12/18/11

I had read the article about the people paying off Kmart layaways and was really inspired. I started wishing that I could do something like that. Except I can't, at least not to the same amount. Especially with me being sure that I've lost my job. I give $1 everytime I go past the Salvation Army buckets. I feel like its not enough though. I want to do more to help.

Sunday morning, our 1st counselor, Brother Braathen asked me about my friend Sister Williams (Sister Shepherd; Christina). I didn't have an answer for him. It reminded me to check on her. So I texted her. Some time later, she texted me back and asked me to meet her at the singles ward. So I met her there and sat through  the rest of their sacrament meeting with her. After some talking, I found out she was somewhat concerned about having Christmas for her girls.

At that moment, I got a prompting from the Spirit:

"You wanted a chance to help? Here is your chance. The rest is up to you"

So I did. I helped get a couple things for her and her girls. When I gave the stuff to her, she started crying, which I wasn't expecting.

It felt really great to help :)

12/15/11

I was at work and I guess I was tired. One of the bosses came to the site at around 9:30pm. I went to go let him in and the first few words he said to me, "Do you have problems staying awake or something?" I was confused. I hadn't consciously fallen asleep or woken up. One moment I was looking at some papers, then the next he was there. It was really weird. He said he watched me sleep for 10 minutes before waking me up. I knew at that moment I just lost my job. I had received a warning before and was told if it happens again I'm fired.

The first thoughts that came into my mind were:

• this must be a test or something
• this happened because I didn't pray for help staying awake
• this happened because I haven't turned in tithing yet
• etc etc

But something about the thoughts didn't make any sense. I just couldn't figure out what.

As I was driving home, I had this sinking pit feeling in my chest and I felt really sad. I said aloud "I feel so defeated."

Seconds after I said that, I felt as if strength was added to me. I got a message from the Spirit saying:

"This wasn't a faith test. This wasn't supposed to happen. He didn't do this to you. This is work of the adversary. Don't worry, everything will be fine"

Then when I got home, I felt like I should look through the scriptures and found this:

"Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work" - Doctrine & Covenants 10:5 

12/12/11

message from the Holy Ghost on my way home from work this morning:

"He hears and sees everything for everyone. Something to keep in mind with your thoughts: If He came down today and was standing speaking with you, would you say those thoughts to Him directly? If yes, then go ahead.  If no, then you shouldn't be thinking them. Although you may not think of your thoughts as direct communication, they are. Just as prayer is, but prayer is more powerful than thoughts."

not ok to sing along..

I recently purchased Road Less Traveled by David Osmond. I love the CD. One of the songs on it though is called "Help Thou My Unbelief". When I first listened to it I thought it was pretty so I decided to sing along. Well after the first few times, when the words went through my head, I was getting a message from the Spirit of:

"You shouldn't sing this because it doesn't you don't have any problems with unbelief"

I figured, well yeah that's right. But I still like the song so I would do it anyway. Each time I did, I would get the same message. I started to make excuses for singing along and justifying my reasons for it.

Then tonight I was doing it again and it hit me harder:

"You shouldn't sing this song. You shouldn't listen to it. It brings across the wrong message when you do so. You sound as if you have disbelief which we know you do not"

I really started thinking about that. Realized that I was making excuses and trying to justify it. If I need to justify it then I likely shouldn't do it. So I'm going to stop listening to that song altogether.

Outside of that song, the CD is fantastic! Check it out...

12/11/11

I was working midnight - 8am Sunday morning. I was having a really hard time with the shift. It required going up and down multiple flights of stairs constantly and there were people painting so I was having to breath in paint fumes as well. I was miserable. All I could think about was how bad I felt and how much I wanted out of there. Time was dragging by.

Then at 1:59am, I got this message from the Holy Ghost:

"Dwell not on your trials. Take action of what is requested and you will be fine"

What I gathered from that is if I stop thinking about how awful I feel and just do what I'm there to do then the shift would go by easier. So I applied that and it worked. I stopped thinking about what I was doing and just started doing it. Before I knew it, it was 8am and time to go home.

December 9/10

I was driving home from work. I was on I-405 N when this truck merged onto the freeway. I can't remember at what point... anyway... they were swerving all over the place. It was scary to watch so I kept my distance behind them. We both merged onto I-5 N. They were still driving erractically. I became rather worried. Thinking the driver is probably tired or inebriated. Then these thoughts of, what if they got into a crash, which was completely possible as they were almost driving into the cars next to them. What if something happened to them. What if I was the last one to see them before they wrecked. Any other drivers were speeding past them, I was the only one behind them.

I thought there was nothing I could do, as the feeling that I need to do something came over me. I thought, is there anything I can do? At that point, I got this from the Holy Ghost:

"You can call 911 and tell them what you see and give them the information you know"

The thought of calling the police worried me. I don't want any run ins with the police. I asked, what do I do? I got this in return:

"I'm leaving this action up to you. You know what you can do. Whether or not you choose to take action is your choice to make"

I continued to follow them. I decided I needed to do something. I couldn't have it on my conscience  of what if's and  I could've done something and didn't. I called 911 and told them what I saw and gave them as much info as I could.

I continued to follow them until when we got to exit 189, they pulled over into the shoulder. Its my exit anyway so I kept going and came home. It would have been strange if I had pulled over with them.

I couldn't help but feel that I should have called 911 sooner. I got the message of:

"You need not to worry. You did the right thing."

That helped me feel better. I just hope that state patrol found them and that they are ok.

December 7th

"Recall when you thought that you were alone? That you thought you wouldn't have family in eternity? You are incorrect. You do have family that will be there. 22 of the family members you personally turned in. 11 you were proxy for. You need not be concerned with this. You are and never will be alone"


I was really comforted by that. I was thinking about that Sunday, November 28th when the sad, negative stuff was coursing through me. Reaffirmed that it is wrong. 

November 29th

I had time in between shifts so I visited Temple grounds. I think that if anyone has any doubts about faith, the Church, etc, all they really need to do is visit the grounds and they'll get confirmation that it's all true, its all very real. At least that's how I felt. I already knew, but it felt cool to have that reaffirmed. Plus you really can't feel anything but joy there. I couldn't stop smiling. I felt the same elation as I did when I was baptized. The grounds were cold, dark, and rainy, but it doesn't matter. Just being there is simply amazing. 

November 28th

On November 28^th, I went over to the Kohagen’s. The missionaries gave me a blessing of comfort. Something cool is Elder Hall asked me who I want to give the blessing. The first name that came to mind was Yates, but I let them decide. Through their random decision process, it ended up being Yates who did it. It was nice. I could feel the surge of warmth, comfort, and power coming from them as Elder Yates, Elder Hall, and Jordan Kohagen had their hands on my head.

When Yates gave me the blessing, he said that I have a Church family. It was something I knew, but at the same time it was something I really needed to hear. It helped to hear the Spirit speak through him to reaffirm what He has told me directly.

November 27th

Sunday,  November 27 2011, I had many conflicting feelings. I felt like I needed to be at Church. But I also felt like I needed to get away from there. It started going wrong during gospel principles and they were talking about eternal families. I felt really upset with  thoughts that I'll never have that. That I'll be as alone after this mortal life as I felt I was then. I couldn't handle it. I felt the need to run and get out of the building. I started crying and i don't like crying in front of others so I escaped to my car. I was overloaded with feelings of extreme sadness and depressive thoughts. I felt confused because I heard two things going on in my head. One, telling me to turn on my car speed off and never come back. The other gently coaxing me to calm down and go back inside. 

I went back in part way through relief society. Sister Boyack was talking about Holy places. The first place that popped into my head besides Temple and Church was the waterfront. 

I was standing in the hallway waiting for the chapel doors to open and Brother Turner approached and I started to try and tell him what was going on, but I felt like I couldn't really. Then once I got inside the chapel I got the same feeling to run and get out of there. Then I got a second feeling telling me to stay and that I need to partake of the sacrament. So I told myself, ok I would do my best to at least wait until after that.

Then I was getting really strong feelings that I don't belong at Church, that I have no place there, that I'm not worthy, that I don't deserve to be there, that no one there cares about me, that I needed to get out of there right there and then. I was overwhelmed. I didn't hear an argument from the other side so I bolted.  I got outside when I felt a pull to go back inside. That things would be ok, I just need to take part of the sacrament..

I followed the pull back inside and found Sister Villaflor looking for me. I fell apart talking with her. I felt embarrassed at crying in front of other people and in front of her. I felt the need to go back outside and leave. But I felt a stronger feeling to go inside the chapel with her. We got inside the chapel right in the knick of time as the priesthood was administering the sacrament. I felt a small tinge of relief. 

As the meeting went on I became calmer and eventually stopped crying. When the last speaker came up and was talking about people not feeling worthy for the Temple, I heard the Spirit say to me:

"You feel like you aren't worthy of the Church. Yet you have a temporary recommend. If you are worthy of the Temple, then you are worthy of the Church"

It made sense. I was calmer and wasn't feeling the negative stuff as strongly. After sacrament meeting, first the missionaries came over to check on me, then Sister Kohagen, then Brother Braathen.  

At work that night, I was standing at the waterfront looking over the water and I was thinking that for me, it does count as a Holy place because I felt at peace. Just taking in the beauty of the land that our Heavenly Father has given us. Then at 12:04am, 11/28, the answers just started flooding into my mind. I found out a door was opened for Satan's influence to infect me. He was the reason for the anger, sadness, depressed feelings. Things I don't normally feel. I'm normally a happy positive person. The negative side had gone away when I joined the Church. The me wanting out of Church so bad wasn't me, it was him. Thinking about it, it all made sense. Then at 2:03am 11/28, I got a message from the Spirit saying:

"Satan, he hath no place in your heart, in your soul. Ye need to be vigilant in keeping him out. I can help you so much, but it is for you to choose who influences you.. I cannot dwell in unclean spaces. Where Satan dwells it is filth and I cannot be there. He is the king of all wickedness and is a sharp and cunning one. If he can get you back following him, he will. Keep in following your Father Eternal. Keep in His commandments. Be strong and righteous. Ye may rely on us for assistance, but it is for you to choose the right"

I was feeling a lot better Monday. I still felt off-kilter. So I talked to the missionaries and Elder Yates gave me a blessing of comfort. That helped tremendously. I feel whole again. I feel back to being me and back to being able to feel the Spirit with me as strong as I normally do. 

November 16th

On November 16^th, I got the message from the Spirit of:

"You shall have me with you because you were baptized and confirmed in the name of the Lord and His son Jesus Christ.
You shall hear me as you do because you are a faithful and righteous daughter of God.
Please be aware that I come to His children as I see fit. Not everyone will hear me as plainly as you do.
You hear me in this fashion because you do not see subtleties.
We do not always want you to learn in the hindsight of things.
Please be aware that there will be those that will not believe you or your experiences with me.
Please be patient and do not be quick to anger with them.
For if you shall and are quick to defend then they will more likely to believe you are being dishonest.
Understand the situation is as such and calmly handle it.
For those who are quick to react and to try to prove themselves can be viewed as dishonest.
For those that have me with them, they shall feel me assure it is honesty just as you felt when Christina spoke with you.
Take comfort that I am always here whether you hear me or not to protect and guide you throughout these latter days."

November 7th

Monday night, November 7^th, I had an interesting experience. I kept thinking, why was I the one who received the message about her. The answer I got back was; I know you’ll do something about it. I cleared my mind until I could only hear the Spirit. It was my first time doing that on purpose. I decided to test it out, make sure of what I was hearing. I asked for details about her situation and the answer I received was; I cannot give you personal details to anyone except the person asking about themselves. I asked if I can receive information concerning my roommate, Mike. He said that it depends on the question. I suddenly realized I was having a conversation with the Spirit. It was fantastic! I received answers about generic stuff. Every so often I would ask a question knowing that I could not receive an answer. He confirmed that He could not answer those. To the point He asked me why I was asking questions I knew that I wouldn’t get an answer to. I loved being able to ask questions and speak with the Spirit. I know that anyone who has the gift of the Holy Spirit can. They just have to clear their minds of all excess and there He is, ready and waiting to help you.

At first I was a little skeptical because I was confused. I asked my Bishop and he confirmed what I experienced is possible. After that I got a question from the Spirit asking why I was asking what I know to be true. I explained. Then got the response of; It is alright child. I am SO thankful for the gifts of the Holy Spirit and His constant companionship. I know that as long as I remain worthy, I will always have Him with me. I am thankful that I joined the Church and for everything that has gone along with it. Given the amount of experiences I have had and stuff, I feel that I was supposed to join the Church when I did. It was the best decision of my life!

November 6th

On the morning of November 6^th, I received a message from the Spirit about one of my friends. She had not been at Church for two weeks, had not been in contact with anyone, and I was worried about her. I was at work that Sunday morning, thinking about her when I received the following message. She needs help. She will not go to anyone for assistance. She needs her friends and the Church, but won’t admit it. She will do her best to handle it on her own. If she says she’s fine and not to worry, not to believe her.

That afternoon after Church, I texted her and told her what I received. She messaged me back saying, wow.. you kind of hit it.. nothing to worry about though. I became more concerned, but couldn’t get any information from her as to what was going on.

On Sunday, November 13^th, she showed up to Church and we talked. What was weird is I knew through the Spirit she was being honest. However I felt like its not over yet. Like 65% of 100. Wait and see what develops with that one.

October 10th

On October 10^th, I was going to leave early for work. I had a feeling I was going to be late. But then I felt the prompting to not leave yet, wait until 7:00 pm when I normally leave. I at first shrugged it off and started grabbing my things. Then it repeated but stronger. I've learned that ignoring promptings is a bad idea, I am just a little slow sometimes, I hung my stuff back up and played with my cats for the remaining time. I left on time at 7. Traffic was moving fine, then  came to a complete halt. I read on the reader board above that an accident was blocking all lanes of traffic. I called NWSS and let them know that I'd be late. As we slowly crawled up there, I saw the accident. 2 cars completely totaled, glass everywhere, one car almost split in half. It was obviously a fatal car crash. I started crying as it hit me hard that if I had left when I was going to, that would have been me.

August 31st

August 31^st was a big day for me. I was working as a vendor for Centurylink and as a security officer for Northwest Security Service. The day before, I was doing an overnight shift for NWSS. While on a rove, I accidentally dropped my flashlight on my left foot. The flashlight was a 3 cell, C cell Maglite. Those are heavy! At first I was upset but ended up being thankful.

The next day, Aug 31^st, That morning I was on another overnight shift. I was going to head out on a rove of the building and parking garage. I was prompted to wait 10 minutes. Which was cool with me because of the foot injury. After the 10 minutes, I headed out to the parking garage. I was moving slowly. I saw a car race to the building and into the parking garage where it stopped. It hit me hard that if I had left when I was going to, I would have been in the path of the speeding car. I’m thankful that I followed that prompting.

That night I went to a friend’s concert before heading into my next overnight shift. As I was leaving the show, I realized I had to go to the bathroom very bad. I pulled into a Shell station, it was the closest. I felt the Spirit warning me strongly not to go in there. I ignored it thinking, I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll just go in, use it, and leave. I parked and went inside. Despite the Spirit’s continuous warning not to go in there. I was greeted by the attendant who creepily called me sweetheart. I told him that I needed to use the restroom and he pointed me in the correct direction.

I felt uneasy as I got closer. I could hear Him telling me not to go in there. I told myself I was just going to use the bathroom and leave. I went in and instantly felt kind of scared. It smelled like something had died in there. As I was using the facilities, I noticed something red suddenly on my shirt. I thought that was weird. There was more, dripping on me and I realized it was blood. I stood and went to the mirror and my nose was bleeding heavily.

I started freaking out. I was trying to make it stop bleeding, but nothing was working. My head began to pound and I started to feel light-headed to the point I thought I was going to pass out. I heard the Spirit order me to get out now and run. I stuffed tissue up my nose, washed my hands, and went to make a quick exit.

The attendant saw me and sounded angry. He said I was in there a long time and stood up. I heard the Spirit order me to run and run now. I apologized and bolted. I ran to my car, got inside and sped off. Once I was close to work, the bleeding stopped and the headache subsided. I still felt scared. I heard the Spirit reprimand me, telling me, when I tell you not to do something, don’t do it. Then tried to comfort me with warmth and assurance that everything will be alright. By the time I got to work, I was calmer. I don’t know why my nose spontaneously started bleeding or what I ran away from, but I am glad that I didn’t stick around to find out.

The night was not over. I was still shaken up and considering whether or not to go to my day job. I had been at Qwest, now Centurylink for almost 5 years and I had just started NWSS a few weeks prior. It was extremely taxing working both jobs. Doing Centurylink during the day and NWSS overnight. It was too much. While I was sitting at work, the following revelation came to me. That I needed to quit Centurylink or I would soon be fired. That once I leave, people will be gradually leaving and the office will be closed, likely by the end of the year. I was getting into a lot of trouble in the call center and I wanted out anyway. I was hesitant because I was finally becoming financially ahead. I was prompted that everything will be alright. That I just needed to have faith in our Heavenly Father and things will be Ok. Every time I questioned the idea, I would receive the same message. I eventually followed and handed in my two weeks notice. I was telling all my work friends the message I received and tried to encourage them to follow suit with leaving. Many didn’t believe me and the rest were just creeped out.

Almost two weeks later, I left. I felt so light and happy. I called NWSS to open up my availability. A few days later, the site I was working at closed. I had no work for the next two weeks. I began to question the decision I made and question the prompting I was given. Each time I did so, I received the message of, No you did the right thing, you just need to have faith.

I stuck in there and gradually work started to pick up. I started working almost everyday. I ended up being glad that I had the two weeks off. Something I realized later on, while I was busy doing both jobs, I kept wishing for time off and all the wonderful things I could do if I had the time. Then He gave me the time and while I was home, all I wanted to do was to be busy working again. I didn’t take advantage of the time and had not partaken any of the things I said I was going to do.

Currently work is come and go. I try to appreciate all the time I do have. Thankful for when I am working and thankful for when I am home. On top of that, I was recently speaking with a past co-worker who is still at Centurylink and she told me that what I said would happen is happening. When I left, there was 75 people employed. Now there is 45. As well as Centurylink is talking about shutting down the office and have another one of their vendors do it. The other vendor could do the same work at better quality and for less money. Kind of freaked me out when she told me that. It was reaffirmation that the Spirit had told me what was going to happen.